Henri counsels Fred not to be surprised when such little persecutions come, even from within the church, and to choose to see such occasions as invitations to enter more deeply into the heart of Christ. Even when confronted with those who should support us inflicting pain on us instead, launching accusations, foisting misunderstanding, sowing discord, ours is not the prerogative to respond in kind, or in our resultant anger to sin. Reading Nouwen’s reply, it isn’t hard to see why those two were such kindred spirits. Fred didn’t underestimate the difficulty involved, but nor did he shy away from the hard work of learning to love as he ought. It takes time and empathy, patience and listening, grace and forgiveness. Even though Fred may have made it look easy, it isn’t, and it wasn’t for him. It takes work to learn to love people without conditions, accepting them as they are, and loving them into greater wholeness and health. Yet it’s what we’re called as Christians to do, and part of learning to love our neighbor as ourselves.įred considered love central to all parenting, all relationships, all learning, but he also recognized love as work. Apart from God’s enabling grace it’s likely well-nigh impossible. To bless those who curse you, to pray for those who despitefully use you, is no easy task. An ally accusing us rather than defending us is one of those times, blindsiding us, and disappointing and dispiriting us in a profound way, inflicting tremendous hurt in the process. There’s good reason scripture tells us not to grow weary in well-doing, likely because we’re often sorely tempted to do so. When someone who should have been a friend chooses to be an adversary rather than an advocate, opting to disparage and impugn rather than edify and encourage, a particular kind of pain ensues, something cutting deeper than the garden variety. Let us pray for each other, that we remain faithful and not become bitter and that we continue to return to the center where we can find the joy and peace that is not of this world.” So I certainly feel a unique solidarity with you. I won’t send you some of the reviews I get of my books, but some are not very different from the tone of this piece. Some of the criticisms we simply have to suffer and see as invitations to enter deeper into the heart of Jesus. He speaks from a very different plane and will not be open to your explanations. “I don’t think it makes much sense to argue with the writer of this article. It was Jesus’ experience and the experience of all the great visionaries in the Church, and it continues to be the experience of many who are committed to Jesus. “It has always struck me that the real pain comes often from the people from whom we expected real support. They come and will keep coming precisely when you do something significant for the Kingdom. I simply hope that you are not too surprised by them. It is these little persecutions within the church that hurt the most. It must be really painful to be confronted with a total misunderstanding of your mission and your spiritual intentions. “I read the article you sent me and can very well understand how much that must have hurt you. (His middle, and mother’s maiden, name was “McFeely,” for crying out loud!) It was when he hadn’t felt permission as a child to feel anger on a particular occasion that he came to see the importance of making emotions “mentionable and manageable.” At any rate, the occasion of this article stirred hurt feelings in Fred, so much so that he felt compelled to send the article along for Henri’s perusal and feedback. Fred’s not known for negativity, but he is known for teaching kids and adults alike how best to manage emotions of all kinds, and he was a man of strong emotions himself. Although I’m unsure of which article it was, it evidently was quite critical of Fred’s work, and Fred seems to have been deeply bothered by it. This letter is a response from Henri to Fred having written and sent along an article that had been written about Fred.
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